Article: Did I Marry The Right Person?

Saw this posted on Facebook by a few friends of mine. Thought it wa worth sharing on this space. Enjoy the read:


DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'

In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.'

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a decision; not just a feeling.

Remember always this:

'God determines who walks into your life.It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.'



*On a personal note, I'm glad to have Mei Kuan in my life. Being in a relationship with someone like me isn't the easiest thing in the world, especially when you have this super-phlegmetic-guy-who-always-needs-to-be kicked-in-order-to-move-his-lazy-butt boyfriend.
I'm glad that we've slogged through the tough times, and good times. I'm thankfful that God has provided me with someone who loves me in spite of the way I am, and I'm thankful that I am able to love her in the same way too.

**I'm sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I'll admit that it's partially because of me being lazy, but it's also due to obligations here and there. Can't wait to write about my new job, though!

My Take On Today's Events

A few weeks ago, I noticed a friend's Facebook status update that read, "Every bit of hardship we face is yet another opportunity for a great testimony for God." (paraphrased)


I think you all would agree with me that it is a very nice quote. Very inspiring.


I would like to think that this is true in my life, and remind myself at times of hardship about this. I read books and hear great sermons about how our suffering becoming an amplifier of God's message in our lives. And I try to live up that principle in my life.


Something happened that got me thinking today; something pretty major (If you have my Facebook, you would probably have seen me spamming your Facebook home page). We prayed hard about it. I prayed hard about it. And we believed with all our hearts that a great testimony would come out of this situation.

Then I realised.

Do I have an expectation about the type of testimony that will come out from this situation? Yes I did. I realised that all this while I've been limiting God's hand with my expectations. And I believe some of you can identify with me on this; We believe with all our hearts that the same God who worked miralcles through Moses, Elijah, and Jesus, is able to work a miracle in this situation. We believe that the same God who was good to the guy who shared his awesome testimony last sunday would be good to us in our current situation. But we get disappointed and ask, "WHY?" when things don't go our way.

We should just let God be God, even when we do not understand it. Whether things happen or not, it still doesn't change the fact that God is still God, and we should let God write His testimony in us, instead of us writing the testimony on God's behalf.

Most of us, myself included, overlook the fact that WE should the testimony, instead of looking for the testimony in the situation. Situational testimonies only come to mind in seasons of hardship. What about good times? Where is the 'amplifier'? Where is the 'megaphone'?

But when we learn to glorify God with the testimony our lives, we don't even have to share our testimonies to people. The people who have seen God in us will share the testimonies on our behalf. And THAT is what a solid testimony is.

Personally I think that I don't really have a problem praising God in bad times. And I definitely don't have problems praising God in good times. But I realised that it is more than that.

"So what's the problem?"

I realised that it's NOT about praising God in good times; It's NOT about praising God in bad times; It's NOT even about praising God all the time - NOT when we do it out of our own strength; NOT when we do it out of our knowledge of God; NOT even when we do it out of our past experiences of God's goodness.

It's when we praise God for who He is.

Because He is God; because He deserves it. And not because we have to, or we want to, but because we can't help it.

"Father, my situations everyday be an empty page to write your testimony on;

But more importantly, let my life be a book with empty pages for you to write your story."