Article: Did I Marry The Right Person?

Saw this posted on Facebook by a few friends of mine. Thought it wa worth sharing on this space. Enjoy the read:


DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'

In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.'

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a decision; not just a feeling.

Remember always this:

'God determines who walks into your life.It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.'



*On a personal note, I'm glad to have Mei Kuan in my life. Being in a relationship with someone like me isn't the easiest thing in the world, especially when you have this super-phlegmetic-guy-who-always-needs-to-be kicked-in-order-to-move-his-lazy-butt boyfriend.
I'm glad that we've slogged through the tough times, and good times. I'm thankfful that God has provided me with someone who loves me in spite of the way I am, and I'm thankful that I am able to love her in the same way too.

**I'm sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I'll admit that it's partially because of me being lazy, but it's also due to obligations here and there. Can't wait to write about my new job, though!

There Is A Life Outside Of Facebook

Ah, Facebook; the social networking site everyone's crazy about. It is the very piece of identification everyone should have, second to their identity cards. If you don't have Facebook, you'll look like an alien to everyone else. It's such an 'in' thing, that even the most stubbornly resistant people on planet earth would eventually succumb to the pressure of having a facebook account.

Contrary to other social networking sites, Facebook is not only limited to youngsters. Instead, it has successfully attracted hordes of users of all ages, ranging from kids to senior folk. I've heard of kids, as young as the age of SIX, asking for a Facebook account. And like it or not, we all dread the very day we'll see our parents/grandpatents sends us a friend request. Time to time, we would see a random teenager's status update reading something like this:

"Oh no! My mother sent me a friend request. Should I accept?"

or,

"My grandma is the coolest grandma on earth! She has Facebook!"

Excuse me, since when did Facebook become the pre-requisite for 'cool'? And what's with the surprised expression, like the world is ending tomorrow, when someone tells you he/she doesn't have a Facebook account? Please la, guys and girls. There IS a life outside of Facebook. Your virtual cow named Bessy on Farmville won't die even if you don't feed it for one day.

Okay, maybe it will.

But even if the cow dies, it shouldn't be such a big deal like everyone makes it to be. What's the point maintaining a virtual farm anyway? Honestly, I've been there too (not on Farmville though), playing Facebook games. In the end, we'll only find yourself playing it just for the sake of it without any goals. Some people will die if they don't log into Facebook for a single day. For others, it would seem like a huge sacrifice to make if they spend time with you instead of killing that Mafia boss from Timbuktu in Mafia Wars. It would be such a big deal to them until they would say, "Hey, I didn't log into Mafia Wars today because I attended your party, OKAY?!" Pfft! Big deal.

And you know what else I don't get?

Why is Facebook like the centre of the world to everyone? ESPECIALLY THE RELATIONSHIP STATUS?! I don't get the whole it's-not-official-unless-it's-on-Facebook nonsense. I've heard people gossip, "Hey, this so-and-so are officially together!"

And when I ask why 'official'?

"Because they just updated their statuses on Facebook!"

Come on lah, you mean all that holding hands, smoochy-moochy, lovey-dovey thing they do before that was not 'official'? And the best part is when I update people about other mutual friends, like, "Hey, did you know so-and-so are getting engaged?"

They'll ask: "Did you find out about that on Facebook?"

"No, I TALKED to them."

At the back of my head: "In case you don't know, it's something that normal people have been doing since the dawn of mankind."

I'm not saying that Facebook as a bad thing. It is actually very useful to keep in touch with old friends, communicate, share photos and stuff. But for goodness' sake, don't let it suck the life out of you!

People shouldn't take Facebook so seriously; it's not the whole world. For those of you who don't know, there IS a life outside of Facebook!